naches

The Tora's way of life

2005-06-08T17:53:00.000-07:00

I just want to raise one question. What are all the kollelim for? Are they here to fund raise money, Or are they here to give honor to the one presiding over it?

I am questioning the basic structure of newly married life in the orthodox chasidic community. Since most of us do not exercise any of the birth control method's, so why are we sitting in kolell? Is it your wife's duty to bring bread to the table? Is it her job to be on top of cleaning the house and to dress and bath the kids? Lets just say it is, can you please tell me is it logical that in the same time the wife is working, the ungerman is doing nothing. And when the time comes that he needs to go out and look for something to do, then it is a little late. Then there is already a huge budget or maybe even a deficit.

Please listen ungerleit, your wife doesn't want you to sit in kolel. They just have to go with the flow. They really want a stable life and real man. Please do your self a favor and a favor to the world. Go to work! Learn what life structure is all about, and You will be a better man. You will learn the value of a dollar, so you wont need to drive the latest and newest car. You will feel accomplished when you come Home at night, And every one will respect you because you are respecting your self, and you are worthy of respect.

Choosing a Shidach for your son or daughter

2005-06-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

Today I read a post on Hyde park in Hemisha Shtisem I think it was. About a story of 2 Yerushaliyim teenagers who fell in love and their parents had no idea about it and looked for someone else..
As I read it, I stopped for a brief moment and thought to myself. How will I react to my children when they grow up and will be in this vary same situation? Will I be conforming to the strict Chasidish principles and not give in an inch? Or will I be understanding that it happened and its time to look into it, maybe its not a bad shidach (match) after all?
Of course if there was already a lust between them, I mean girl to boy and they’ve been with each other, I will try to talk my daughter out of it. But lets just assume that it didn’t happen, they haven’t been with each other intimately. what will I do? will I go along even if the family's don't match?
I kept thinking to myself, how was it in the previous generations was there always Shadcohnim involved? had it never happened that a boy saw a girl on the streets and asked for someone to match them up? (I remember that there it is an halacha that a man shouldn’t approach a woman and ask her to marry him cause this is an impious act.)
So I went to Bais medresh to daven, and I was looking for the safer Pala Yoatz, where something might be written on that topic. I didn’t find it. But I did find safer Shavet Muser, where he has a long chapter how husband and wife should behave, one towards another. And I was pleasantly surprised to find it, but that’s an whole issue by it self.

Let me take it a step further, If a girl objects to a shidach for no apparent reason. Or she keeps objecting to every shidach that comes up. will I ask them, do you have your eyes on someone else? do you have somebody in mind. will I have the strength to do that?

That thought was triggered after living through it with one of my siblings (I wont disclose brother or sister). He/she wasn’t going for just any shidach. He/she kept saying I want someone more, more fun, not just the average cookie cutter shidach.
I remember all my grown up sisters and brothers where trying to talk that sibling out of it. Everybody with there own style, my frum siblings was trying to laugh at it. My more open minded sibling was trying with the explaining approach. But I don’t recall anybody asking the question is there someone else you have in mind?
After he/she got married, we had long talks why is it that he/she isn’t treating the spouse with enough respect. I remember talking and doing allot of explaining about happiness, and building the environment for love. (I believe you don’t fall in love, you fall in lust but not love.)So what do you do when you are faced with this situation ? its scary when you think into it!!

think into it!!

Education Reform

2005-05-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

Education Reform
As I walked into the Shull today the conversation was about the stories that are circulating in our community. About the curfew imposed by the rabonim on the Williamsburg girls after 10:00 pm. My friends argument was that if the rabonim would have put in as much effort in Cinuch Habonim ubonus as they put in the eiruv, it wouldn't have happened.

As we where continuing our conversation he mimicked how the original conforming Rabonim are acting when responding to a youth problem. And I quote him " to a suggestion to take the kid to play ball or a good sport, they responded Ah, darfst nisht gein azoye veit. mer vallen im machazek zein, and as vat git zein".
Now this is self explanatory isn’t it? That the world evolved, our kids are open to the world almost as much as their parents who are out there to make living. And the education haven't reformed a bit!! there is no entertainment what so ever, no communication to the kids at the heart to heart lever at all.isn't this mind boggling?

Now let me give a little example, My brother likes sports. He is the only one in our family who found interest in that. Now he is constantly talking about how well Derek Jeter pulled of at the game, or how frustrating it was that Kevin brown was wasting away to much time out on the field. As he talks to me about it he keeps looking over his shoulder to see if there is someone listening to our conversation. Almost like he would have conspired to overthrow the Russian government.
Now this little innocent boy who did not find Joy in playing keyboard like a one man band, Let alone to bee a big masmid. But he did find sports and he gets excited when the Yankees pull of a good game. If such a kid will be rejected in our society is there any wonder that Kids go a step lower than that?. So much so that they have to impose a curfew? And it isn't that the curfew is in a suburb like Monsey where people are scattered all over the place, and there is not a lot of people everywhere. But it is in Williamsburg where there are virtually hundreds of people all night long walking up and down the streets, and still the find it necessary to impose a curfew. Mind boggling!!!!
Is education not adjusting with the time the reason some of our youth fell that low?.

Married life part 2

2005-05-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

Married life part 2
Ok friends it was a little while since we posted part one, But you my beloved blog are a part of me so you will understand and forgive.

As I was driving around town reading books at Barnes and nobles, I got interested in studying alternative medicine Since it is quite popular these days and I always resented the fact that I couldn’t go to collage since I am a Chasid, I figured here is an opportunity to pull of a degree of intelligence through home study.
So I started reading whatever there is to read, I had no organization; just whatever Alternative health book looked good on the shelf I bought. As I continued my Unrestrained learning indulgence, I got a little better with picking books, which book to pick up and which not. I started looking at credentials of the author, ease of reading and most of all use of the application.

So I narrowed my study down to muscular therapy; since this one of the most popular ailments, and can be relieved almost immediately. I got very good in that, where ever I went people asked me to help them with their neck, hands, back etc.

After I mastered muscular therapy, I got a curious on what else can I learn how to treat besides just muscular pain. My natural urge to become a doctor kicked in a little, I mean a lot. So I started dwindling in Kinesiology, homeopathy, acupressure, energy medicine, and stuff. because after all hay if I can treat nausea incontinence and herpes why just stick to muscular pain. So I started delving into all of the above, and after a little while I became very good at that too. The only problem I had at the time; was that I couldn’t find a reason why it works or should work. I was trying to hypothesize to come up with a theory and as they say, trust your brain it will come up with a something

At the time when I was totally into studying i really thought that i will eventually go into this line which seemed lucrative. I visited a doctor that was doing these kind of stuff and charged 115 for the first visit which was only a half an hour of his time, second visit that was only 15 minutes of his time, and he charged 65 or 70 dollars. He only treated me with a spinal adjustment and some laser light that he pointed to my kidneys that was supposed to heal my weakness which didn’t take him a lot of effort nor time. So i figured in that case I can do it too, this was the field of choice at the time.

As I grew a little older (Roughly a year ) I started thinking Hay, Wait a minute do I really want to be considered in the heimish community a doctor? and think about it; the doctor of what!! people will think I am crazy, People will think I am fantasizing doing these alt type of stuff, You know how people are! even the people who swear by it; at the same time they don’t accept the practitioner itself. Because its not a modest thing to be so educated, crazy or not but so I feared.

So this dream was shattered, but my thirst for being something, is still out there not satisfied; I am still searching.

My Chasidic Married life.

2005-01-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

Hi to all
This is my first time posting a blog so I probably will make some mistakes or just not write well; so I ask the reader to please bear with me until I get a little better.

I had no idea what to write, I just felt I need to communicate my feelings and project my sensitivities outward. After reading one post on Reb Shtrimel's blog it came to me. So I want to say thank you to reb Shtrimel and to all the responders on that blog; for making me aware of the subject that bothered me for an awful long time.

I was raised in a warm and happy cahsidishe home a loving father that I adore and respect until this day, and a very sharp, smart, and witty mother that although I find difficult to communicate with her in an open way; I adore her and respect her.

I was a very studies yeshiva bocher I was the biggest masmid in yeshiva and naturally frum and I knew lots of mamorie chazal and that helped me cope with adolescent and holding back my dark desires.

I married into a nice frum family and naturally they wanted the best for me, so they suggested that I stay in kolel indefinitely. Being a smart kid and quite a sharp tong too, I explained to my wife the gemura in kedushin where the gemura says Rechaim al tzvurye vhu Yasok Batora? Which means he has a pressure of of bringing food for a family and you say he should learn and do nothing else?! I pointed to that gemura saying Look what chazal is saying, they also understood that now is the time to establish and secure for ourselves a financial source of income, and the learning is when ever you have free time!

Being the lovely charming women the she is, she quietly bit her lips and didn't stop me from doing anything even though she knew that this way isn't the way she was brought up and her family will definitely cringe and say well; her husband isn't that what we thought after all.

didn't take long and My lovely wife got pregnant got crazy was still working and cried my head off.
I am really trying not to imply and negativity whatsoever, just to communicate the way I felt.

Going for a walk at night; [one of the kosher entertainments still enjoyed by many Jewish couples] wasn't even an option, I had to go learn in kolel at night.

When I finally bought a car from her hard earned money (I was sitting in kolel at the time remember?) I started to drive around town stopping at gas stations to buy coffee and being the intelligent personality that I am, I started visiting Barnes and nobles quite often.

I will continue with my married life story but in the mean time I have to go wash dishes before my wife comes home!!
Good night my beloved blog; you turn out to be quite enjoyable.